if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
