God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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