If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
