Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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