just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
