Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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