In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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