Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
