I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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