i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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