I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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