I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
