when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They took my balls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
