Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
