HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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