I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
