When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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