Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
