Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
