Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
