Fuck appropriateness.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
