the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
