Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
