and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
