i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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