Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
