ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
