Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
