she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
