dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
