I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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