So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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