just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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