his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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