I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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