How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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