There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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