remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
