Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
