Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
