I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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