I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
