I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
