did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think people are normalizing furries
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
