The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
