did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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