dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
