Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sex in a hospital.. check
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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