This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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