she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
