Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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