Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
