Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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