Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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