The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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