Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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