haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
