At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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