I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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