if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
