Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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