So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
