and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
