your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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