sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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