speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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