I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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