oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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