so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
