is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
