my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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